


The Great Kitten Hunt

by misura



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pets, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1506506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're kidding me, right?" Mike asked. He even chuckled a little, as if this whole situation was, in fact, hilarious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Kitten Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> um. I feel I should say this story does not, in fact, have a multitude of kittens in it. apparently, they're kind of shy?
> 
> it does have people talking about kittens, though?

"No," Harvey said.

" _Yes_ ," Jessica said, as he'd more or less known she would - which meant she was acting predictably, which meant he should be able to figure out a way to wriggle out of this.

"No," he repeated, which was definitely not that way. "My time's too valuable to waste on something like this. I mean, come on, Jessica. Haven't we got more important things to do than worry about something like this?"

"More important? Absolutely," she said, sitting down and reaching for a report, which meant game over. "Which is why I expect you to deal with this first, quickly and efficiently."

 

Mike, unsurprisingly, thought it was a joke.

Harvey wondered when his ability to predict people's actions and words had stopped being at all useful.

"You're kidding me, right?" Mike asked. He even chuckled a little, as if this whole situation was, in fact, hilarious.

"Does my face look like I'm kidding you?" Donna was going to laugh her ass off.

"Well," Mike said, clearly about to attempt some flattering comment about Harvey's poker-face, which was, indeed, excellent.

"Exactly."

"But, I mean, it's Louis," Mike said.

"I know it's Louis," Harvey said.

"Louis doesn't like you very much."

"The feeling is entirely mutual."

"So even if you do this for him, why would he even - " Mike said, which was going too far, really.

Harvey agreed that the whole thing was absurd, ridiculous and a complete waste of his valuable, if not to say, very expensive time, but it was a matter of efficiency, not competence.

"Are you saying I _can't_ do this?"

Mike blinked, once and then said, "No?" The question mark was extremely audible. "But, come on, Harvey. Have you ever even _owned_ a pet?"

"I'm going to find Louis the greatest, fluffiest, most adorable new pet cat he's ever seen," Harvey said. "It will be so fantastic he won't even _consider_ refusing it. In fact, once I've shown it to him, he'll be begging me on his knees to give it to him."

"All right. Just as long as we're clear on the goal."

 

"One word for you," Donna said.

Harvey considered pretending he knew exactly where he was going to go and what he was going to do when he got there, then decided he was too smart for that. "I love you."

"That's three words," she said. "And, guess what, none of them is going to help you. At all."

"I think I have tickets for that new production of _Hairspray_ somewhere."

"Better," she said.

"That's one word, but I don't think it's going to help me. At all."

"Kittens," she whispered. "The word is kittens. I know a guy."

"I know many guys," Harvey said.

"Fine. If you don't want my help, then clearly, you don't want my help."

Harvey considered arguing the point, but settled for nodding pleasantly and going back into his office like a guy who was entirely in control of the situation. As he was.

 

"Donna knows a guy," he said to Mike. "I told her I know many guys."

"That'll show her," Mike said. He had spread out several newspapers on Harvey's desk.

"I don't think my guys have any kittens." There was a great pun in that line somewhere, Harvey thought. Something about people having kittens. Very witty, very funny. Donna would be extremey impressed by it.

"You want to trust Louis with a kitten?"

"Point," Harvey said.

"There's a couple of animal shelters we could try," Mike said.

"You want to trust Louis with a pet someone's already dumped once?"

"They'll have lower expectations?" Mike said.

Harvey didn't say that was another good point. "Fine. Let's go take a look at New York's finest."

 

Two years ago, anyone who'd known him for longer than an hour would have said Mike was a big softie and an enormous pushover.

Nowadays, thanks to Harvey's good influence, it would probably take people at least two days.

"But - " Mike said.

Animals, it appeared, were not people.

"No," Harvey said, and then, because the expression on Mike's face was stupidly hurt rather than stupidly stubborn, and because Harvey was apparently a tiny bit of a softie, too, as anyone who'd known him for longer than seven years would have maybe found out about. "Mike, I've seen your apartment."

"I could move," Mike said.

"Great," Harvey said. "Then after you've done so, maybe you can consider getting a pet of your own. A goldfish, perhaps. I've heard they're pretty low-maintenance."

"You think Louis would - "

"No."

"No," Mike said. "After all, that would be too easy."

"This is easy, too," Harvey said. "Are you suggesting this is difficult?"

"No. Of course not."

"Good," Harvey said. "I've had Donna send me a list of pet stores."

 

"What's this?" Louis asked, one day, three hours and seventeen minutes later, give or take a few. "This - this - "

"Adorable, isn't he?" Harvey said, trying not to sound quite as smug as he felt. Remembering Donna's face when he'd asked her to put him in touch with her 'guy' helped.

"Adorable?" Louis echoed. "That - some disgusting, helpless ball of fluff getting hair all over my desk - _adorable_? Is this a joke? Do you think this is funny?"

"Honestly, Louis, we thought we were doing you a favor," Mike said.

"Oh, right," Louis said. "Where'd you get it - some cardboard box in the gutter? You want to do me a favor? Get that ... _thing_ out of here, and make sure they clean my desk. Thoroughly."

The kitten - Mike had proposed to call it 'Joe', before Harvey had pointed out that as it would be Louis's kitten, Louis would have naming privileges - proved it had no sense of tactics whatsoever, stretched and meowed softly, displaying a fairly respectable set of teeth (as Harvey's tie could testify, had it still been with them).

"I can't believe you," Louis said.

"You had a pet cat before," Harvey said. At this point, dragging Jessica's name into it did not seem like a good idea. Walking out of this office and let Mike deal with this mess did, but he didn't quite trust Mike to take proper care of Joe.

"I did," Louis said, warily looking at the kitten before sitting down at his desk. "And now I have a dog. A really mean, really vicious dog. An attack dog. And you know what I named him?"

"No." Harvey wasn't particularly interested, either. "What?"

"Funny you should ask," Louis said. "Honestly, I'm still thinking of a name, but I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something appropriate. Now, was there something you wanted?"

"Plenty of things," Harvey said. Louis arched an eyebrow at him. Mike cleared his throat. "Oh, you meant from you? No. Because there will _never_ \- "

"So we'll just be leaving then," Mike said quickly. "Come on, Joe."

 

"I could - " Donna said.

"No," Harvey said.

"So Mike - "

"He's getting a new apartment. Soon."

"Ah," Donna said. "And meanwhile ... "

"I have a nice apartment," Harvey said. "Very kitten-friendly."

"Uh-huh."

"It's strictly temporal."

"Uh-huh."

"Something I need to know?"

"Well," Donna said brightly. "Since you asked: don't you think she's a little lonely? All by herself in that big apartment of yours?"

"She?" Harvey asked and then, because he'd been born knowing what a distraction looked like: "No. Absolutely not."

"Yeah," Donna said. "You might turn into one of those catladies. Catlords? Catguys?"

"I think that's a superhero, actually."

"Is it?" Donna asked, all wide-eyed innocence. "How completely fascinating. Do go on."

Harvey sighed. "How many are there left?"

"Oh, just three. Think, Harvey. You could have your very own Fantastic Four cats."

"Imagine that."

"Do it for the kittens, Harvey. For the kittens."

"I'm doing it for you."

"Smart _and_ good-looking."

"Thank you?"

"Oh, I was talking about me," she said. "But you're not so bad, either."

**Author's Note:**

> yeah. so.
> 
> I'm not entirely sure where the idea for a Bruno-replacement hunt as part of the Louis Litt Rehabilitation Program slash Harvey and Louis Making Nice Scheme came from, but once I had it, I couldn't seem to resist writing it. I did it for the kittens? well, _a_ kitten, anyway.


End file.
